Top Ten Predictions for 2000

10.  Those M & M’s in the commercials begin saying, “Ha!  We psyched you all out!  The REAL New Millenium doesn’t start until NEXT year!” 

9.  The presidential race will see a great upset when Christ comes and sends all the politicians to burn in the smoldering depths of Hell. 

8.  After announcing that its systems weren’t affected in any manner by Y2K, Government agencies begin posting billion-dollar orders for alfalfa and whoopee cushions. 

7.  George Lucas announces that Episode 2 will have the introduction of Darth Binks, “just as he always intended it to be”. 

6.  NASA officials release a report that they have discovered an anomaly on the Moon, which, according to the report, is “big, black, and rather obelisk-like”.  NASA then release plans to send a mission to Jupiter. 

5.  In a true example of birds of a feather flocking together, Michael Jackson weds Dennis Rodman. 

4.  Pokemon is declared to be part of the pornography industry when a new Pokemon, named “Trousnake”, billed as “the TRUE Pocket Monster”, is introduced, along with the female version simply named “Pussee”. 

3.  Marilyn Manson goes country.

2.  Following massive global unrest and war, a new regime will rise to power, bringing order and strength to the planet as the population lauds the wisdom and greatness of Emperor Ventura.

1.  The Olympics in Sydney show the largest turnout in history when the Australians showcase their newest event:  Dingo Raping.


Make with the leaving already!