The Gratuitous “About Me” Section, or:
Narcissistic self-promotion that does nothing but stroke my own ego… God, I love it! 

            Now, if you’re the average reader… well, you wouldn’t be reading this webpage (hey, it’s not like I delude myself into thinking that anyone other than a small number of friends actually visits my site). But I’ll be delusional and pretend that I have a massive audience of curious fans, just aching to get to know the real me. Life's more enjoyable if you pretend that you have an audience.

            I should note that I had an “About Me” section up here before, but it was chock full of whiny, pretentious high school crap (hey, at some point, everyone thinks that their angst-ridden life means a damn). I replaced it. I re-read it recently, and thought, “Holy hell, why do I still have this on my webpage?”

            In any case… I am just some average shmoe, nothing spectacular (well, I’m a little loud, and a bit odd, but isn’t everybody?). I made a webpage because, well… everyone needs a hobby, and I got tired of watching TV. I draw a lot (or, rather, I used to), I write a lot, I take pictures (just for the hell of it), and I do theatre on the side. I play computer games, I film amateur movies, and I like to participate in debate and discussion. I respect people that can speak their mind and are generally unguarded in their demeanor.

            That’s the short-short version. The long version would, essentially, be my life story, which I’m not about to go into here.

            The purpose of my webpage is just to make it easier for people to reference my works… no, I don’t pretend that it’ll earn me money someday (it won’t). My quote list, for instance, seems to be one of the favorite topics amongst my particular circle, and they like to reference it and check it out on occasion, so I keep it updated primarily for them. I also like to show off the stories that I occasionally write, along with the artwork that I occasionally draw.

            The Imperium… no, it’s not some “club” that I formed to booster my own ego. It’s actually a literary sign of laziness… rather than create a cast of fictional characters for my stories, I just take people that I know, “tweak” them appropriately so that they are more malleable to my particular twisted brand of humor, and throw them into the plot, oftentimes at random. The Roster exists not as a “Golly, these are my chums” kind of show-off piece, but as a means of allowing random readers to know who the characters in my stories are.

            Poetry… don’t read that section. The only reason it still exists – I’m going to replace it with my photo gallery – is because I forgot how I made those nifty animated GIF buttons in Paintshop Pro. Again, it’s full of pretentious high school teenager crap (well, mostly), and, frankly, I’m embarrassed I ever wrote it. “Always and forever will I love you”? What the fuck was I thinking?!?

            Yes, I refer to myself as SPOOFE constantly throughout my webpage, and yes, that’s mostly just to booster my own ego. My real name is Jeff Martin, but since there are already so many of them, I decided it’d be best if I had a singular online persona that’s easily identifiable. I use this same screen name throughout the various message boards and online computer games that I frequent (although when I play Counterstrike, I often pretend to be female, so as to lay a bit of a smack on the morons who think “fag” is a clever insult). So if you see a reference to “SPOOFE” anywhere online, it’s either coming from a German-language webpage talking about IP spoofing (go check Google, man, there’s a million of ‘em), or it’s me.

            Anyway, what am I doing now? I’m attending a cheap, lowbrow Junior College (nah, I’m not smart enough to hit a real university). I’m probably going to have been there four years by the time I transfer out… yeah, I’ve been taking my sweet time getting my general ed done. I’m technically a theatre tech major, but that’ll probably change. I do a lot of theatre work, but unlike the bulk of my friends who hope to make a career out of it, I view it simply as a hobby.

            So, that’s about it. I hate writing conclusions to things like this, so I’m simply going to stop writing. If you were expecting some sort of witty zinger to follow this all up, then I apologize.