I'm deep in thought, pondering the mysteries of the universe...

Status: Still single, ladies... not that you care

Position: Emperor, Squad Commander, 

Featured in: The Adventures of SPOOFE & Spooge, episodes 4, 5, and 6, Josta Drinkers, The Adventures of Kia, and Star Wars Episode 1.414, The Tampon Menace

Role: SPOOFE formed the Imperium one day, many years ago, when he was really, really bored. He claims that he's in it only for the money, but others have their own theories - he's had a crush on all female members of the Imperium at one time or another, for instance... and even a couple of the guys. Romantic desperation aside, SPOOFE maintains his position of authority over the Imperium as the only one who gives a damn about the group, and by virtue of the fact that... uh... all his teammates, y'know, respect him and stuff.

Welcome to the Village of the Damned...

Status: Schoolishness and lima beans

Position: Smashologist and Computers Expert

Featured in: The Adventures of SPOOFE & Spooge, episodes 4, 5, and 6, Josta Drinkers, The Adventures of Kia, and Star Wars Episode 1.414, The Tampon Menace

Role: Tremble at his name! Or, at the very least, tremble at his Quake-playing skills. One of the few people who is more obsessed with Quake and Josta than SPOOFE is, Corny prides himself on his ability to smash things. Big things, little things, brittle things, malleable things, jiggly things, it doesn't matter... he'll smash 'em all with a smile.

"Aw, gee, I just wanted to rip his jugular out..."

Status: Slipping back and forth between back and forth

Position: "Any one you want, baby."

Featured in: The Adventures of SPOOFE & Spooge, episodes 4, 5, and 6, Josta Drinkers, The Adventures of Kia, and Star Wars Episode 1.414, The Tampon Menace

Role: A silly, silly girl if there ever was one. Kia is a seductress, most of the time, anyway, and uses those skills to the best of her ability. She's also part feline - her occasionally catty nature is testament to that - with both the ferocity, the whimsicality, and playfulness of such. Half the time she's flamboyant, hyperactive, and touchy-touchy, and the other half the time she's lazy, moody, and... touchy-touchy. And she's all bitch, man, all the time.

Come right in to the Spooge Demon Lounge!

Status: Lazy, and proud of it

Position: Scary musician/artist/actor guy

Featured in: The Adventures of SPOOFE & Spooge, episodes 4, 5, and 6, Josta Drinkers, The Adventures of Kia, and Star Wars Episode 1.414, The Tampon Menace

Role: Everyone's gotta have that creepy, ominous friend that delivers the jitters wherever he goes. Chris - or "Spoogie" - is a big name over at the infamous Pierce Theatre Department, with several shows and plenty of acting and singing experience underneath his belt. Tall and wiry to the extreme, he makes himself useful with his special ability... living in his chest is the Spooge Demon, a powerful creature with enough power to destroy an entire planet.

Status: New and Improved! Now with 15% more homosexuality!

Position: Mascot and Productions Manager

Featured in: The Adventures of SPOOFE & Spooge, episodes 4, 5, and 6, Josta Drinkers, The Adventures of Kia, and Star Wars Episode 1.414, The Tampon Menace

Role: "I'm the Great American Idiot." That just about sums up Flip's mentality. He's remarkably skilled and equipped with one of the quickest, most delightful wits around. Everyone who's ever met Flip remembers him, mostly because he's loud, hyper, and... hyper. But delightful. When it comes to combat, he prefers to get down to the basics: He sticks with his trusty, handy-dandy shotgun. He often appears under either of his two personas, Jake Blackmore or the Italic Squirrel.

Status: Pretending to be in a band

Position: Music Man and psychologist

Featured in: The Adventures of SPOOFE & Spooge, episodes 4, 5, and 6, Josta Drinkers, The Adventures of Kia, and Star Wars Episode 1.414, The Tampon Menace

Role: A Professional Dreamer, Casey is full of hopes and desires for the future (as opposed to stark raving depression and misery). Few doubt that one day his name will be known nation-wide, mostly since he's damn good at what he does and he's not an asshole. However, his mind is often "in the clouds" as he focuses on a book he's reading, a song he's playing, or just random stuff in general. He prefers to keep his weaponry light and elegant, taking swords over guns.

You know, I was going to put a new picture of him up here, but then I realized I don't have one!

Status: Barely in school

Position: Imperium IT Manager

Featured in: The Adventures of SPOOFE & Spooge, episode 6

Role:This guy’s the real meat-and-cheese of the Imperium. He doesn’t like going out on field missions since he tends to hurt his leg every time he does, so he usually stays behind the scenes and makes sure that everything runs smoothly. His skill with IT systems ensures not only that the Imperium will run smoothly, but also that he'll always have a well-paying job under SPOOFE's regime. Damn lack of skilled workers...

Status: Saving the world from the soap scum of the universe

Position: Intelligence Expert

Featured in: The Adventures of SPOOFE & Spooge, episodes 4, 5, and 6, and Josta Drinkers

Role: To begin with, Eric is not human. Not entirely, anyway. His true nature isn't entirely known - some theorize that he's a robot, a cyborg, or an escaped genetically upgraded humanoid - but in either case, Eric is an odd duck. He generally has his own plots and plans going on outside of official Imperium business, and he's not quite as hedonistic and indulgent as some, but he's a valued member... mostly because he keeps a large wardrobe of powersuits, which augment is battlefield abilities.

Status: Proud to be a Senior

Position: Espionage Expert, Historian

Featured in: The Adventures of SPOOFE & Spooge, episodes 4 and 6

Role: If she weren't female, she'd be a Renaissance Man (even though she's a Victorian buff). Emily's been a more-detached member of the Imperium, kept busy by her own underworld (and otherworld) wheelings and dealings. Her skills, however, are many... historian, spy, detective, aristocrat, artist, actor, and at times, singer. Combined with her quick wit and occasionally sharp tongue, she's proven her worth as part of the most prestigious organization on Earth.

Here's another person whom I have yet to get a new picture of.

Status: Not-so-proud to be a Senior

Position: Morale Officer

Featured in: The Adventures of SPOOFE & Spooge, episodes 4 and 6, and Star Wars Episode 1.414, The Tampon Menace

Role: If you ever need a hug, she's your girl. I've always considered her to be quite a caring person, very empathic at times. She's more an emotional creature than anything else... which has it's own set of ups and downs. As far as infiltration or warfare is concerned, she's not the best soldier around, but she'll be fiercely loyal to her friends when they need it. She, too, has a lighter presence in the Imperium than some others, but she always provides her "services" at fair prices.

And another!

Status: Up North... the traitor

Position: Free-thinker Extraordinaire

Featured in: The Adventures of SPOOFE & Spooge, episode 6 

Role: One of the more interesting members of the group. Ronnie always faces the funky-monkey challenges - killer robot drones, evil demented politicians, teeny-bopper idols, bologna - with a sort of curiously apathetic zeal. She seems more amused than afraid at the thought of getting blown to smithereens or getting gutted like a fish... actually, she's more likely to giggle at the usage of the word "smithereens".

She was resting comfortably, and you had to come disturb her! How rude!

Status: Tottering on the edge of sanity... or the toilet

Position: Director of Mental Upkeep

Featured in: The Adventures of SPOOFE & Spooge, episode 4

Role: Second-to-last, and certainly not second-to-least. Danielle cares the least about the Imperium as a unit - no offense to her, but she's not a very good soldier - although her services have proven invaluable by several Imperium members. She brings a commodity that would otherwise be lacking in the Imperium... wisdom. Well, a sort of innate, personal wisdom. Actually, it's more like a hyperdeveloped common sense, really, but even so, it's an insight that's rarely encountered.

"I'm the man with the plan... and no shirt."

Status: Almost Homeless

Position: Vice-President of Underachievement

Featured in: The Adventures of SPOOFE & Spooge, episode 6

Role: An actor. And... uh... that's really about it. He seems to have mastered the ability to achieve a state of mediocrity - and, indeed, this has helped the Imperium with "connecting" with America's youth. He usually stays off the battlefields (he hates guns, the wuss), but he's pretty damn good at, as he calls it, "Propaganda" (I call it cowering in a corner begging people not to kill him). Then again, he DOES have some vision... he's managed to almost single-handedly build the USXWF, for example. And let's not even talk about the time that he killed a man in Verdona, Mississippi...

"I'd make you an offer you can't refuse, but you'd just refuse it, so I'll just kill you."

Status: Alive, and staying that way

Affiliation: His own, dammit

Featured in: The Adventures of SPOOFE & Spooge, episode 6

Role: Few mortal men can look upon the mighty, massive form of Scott Benton and not feel fear in their heart. His cold gaze can obliterate the resolve of the staunchest of souls. Well, okay, he's just a big quiet guy who gets stoned and drunk a lot. A good chunk of his person rests in the theatre, where he's pulled off some damn fine work. Unfortunately, in recent months he's been too busy being... what did he call it... "being responsible". However, that has not kept him from being useful if the situation calls for it. Y'see, he actually has a car.

 Mike Gend - "Golden Boy"

Status: He's a tired, tired boy

Affiliation: Pierce Theatre

Featured in: None yet

Role: When you want something done, who do you turn to? Well, not me, of course. You want somebody who actually does something. Y'know... work? Anyway, Mike here does it all... he acts, he builds sets, he designs lights, he turns a potato into fries in five seconds flat. We call him the "Golden Boy" because he's held in a place of privilege by the higher-ups at the Theatre, and also because he's got an odd birth-mark that's left him yellowish-orange about the privates...

Status: Swimming in dough

Affiliation: Pierce Theatre

Featured in: None yet

Role: There are some people who are destined for greatness. Guillaume - or "Gil" for simplicity's sake - is destined for either politics or organized crime. He's in charge of the money for the ASO... I don't know what the ASO is, but it holds sway over many aspects of Pierce. Gil's up at the Theatre Building a lot, downloading porn and playing games at the theatre's expense. He's acted in several shows, and has a nice little history in the business. His talents are many, his connections are more, and he always (well, almost always) comes through in a pinch.