Chapter 4

After a bunch of stuff that happened that wasn’t very interesting, the WWF trucks were packed up, the superstars got into their cars (or buses or whatever the case may be), Vince and family got into their private jet, and the entire ensemble was on their way to their next city where the next days’ events will be telecast.

Of course, the Imperium is cooler than the WWF. Not only do they have Josta, they have their own shuttle capable of inter-galactic flight. Of course, they didn’t have any trips to Andromeda scheduled any time soon, but it was still cool flying around in something that could travel more than three googols faster than the speed of light (and it gets great gas mileage).

Everyone was gathered in the main central counsel chamber, seated around the special table that was mostly round, yet had a cut-out where SPOOFE sat, to signify that SPOOFE was better than anyone else, yet after that, all the others were equals. Mostly. But who cares about that? The most important thing is that SPOOFE is better than anyone else.

Anyway, they had already reached their destination (Springfield), and were hovering several miles above the arena so they could convene.

"...So that’s the dinner menu for tonight," SPOOFE was saying. "I, for one, am going to try the chocolate-covered roast chicken and spam, with a bowl full of pure lard for dessert. So, is there anything else to report?"

"Yes, there is," Eric said. "There was another attempt at taking Stone Cold’s life while you rabble were busy with your silly little wrestling match."

"Oh, really?" SPOOFE said.

"Yes, there was a bomb left in Austin’s dressing room."

"Why didn’t you tell us earlier?"

Eric cleared his throat. "Because you fast-forwarded through any opportunity for me to bring it up."

"Yeah, whatever," SPOOFE said. "Anyway, here’s our plan: We’re gonna use Steve Austin as bait to lure our little assassin out into the open."

Everyone waited a few seconds for SPOOFE to continue. Finally, Casey said, "That’s it?"

SPOOFE nodded. "Well... yeah."

"Aren’t we gonna have anything complex going on?" Katharine asked

"Well, of course we are," SPOOFE said. "But that’d give the whole thing away to the reader." (Author’s Note: Actually, I have no idea what’s gonna happen)

"I saw that," Eric said.

"Saw what?" SPOOFE asked.

"The ‘Author’s Note’ thing."

SPOOFE grabbed Eric and pulled him away from the others. "Here’s ten thousand dollars. You saw nothing." He shoved a large stack of bills into Eric’s hand.

"Money’s not going to work this time," Eric said with a grin.

SPOOFE sighed. "Fine. Here’re the keys to my personal Booyah-class powersuit." He handed over the keys. "Go easy on it."

"Excellent," Eric said, grabbing the keys.

SPOOFE activated the inter-shuttle comlink. "Corny, bring us down." He fastened his seat belt (safety first) as the shuttle began losing altitude.

"Live from the Dr. Marvin Monroe Memorial Stadium in Springfield--" (there was a burst of static) "--it’s going to be an intense show down here on Raw is War," Jerry Lawler exclaimed as lights flashed, explosions exploded, and nifty music blared. Oh, yeah, and the crowd was screaming like crazy, holding signs that said stuff like "Kilroy was here" and "Cole is gay".

Backstage, SPOOGE and Spooge were organizing their equipment. Scattered throughout the arena building, dressed in their black combat duds and armed with MP-10s, were the other agents of the Imperium.

"This is Overlord," SPOOFE said into the encrypted comm system. "Everyone sound off."

"Spooge Demon here," Spooge said.

"Hornweasel’s at his post," Flip said.

"CornHusker’s ready to smash stuff," Corny said.

"Adam’s Apple, armed and ready," Casey said.

"Levelhead charging weapons," Eric said.

"Shortcake here, and no, you can’t sleep with me," Katharine said.

"Pagancat having sex," Kia said over the moans and groans of intercourse.

"All right people," SPOOFE said, "stay sharp. Stone Cold’s about to hit the ring."

Back in the main arena, Steve Austin’s entrance music began blasting, and the Rattlesnake strode down the ramp to the ring. He circled the ring, then grabbed a mic.

"I’m tired of beating the shit out of the same old people day in and day out," Stone Cold said. "It gets redundant, and my fists want to feel the pounding of a new skull. So I’m issuing a challenge to anyone in the audience who wants to go toe-to-toe with me. Any takers?"

A hushed silence fell over the audience (a hushed silence is more silent than plain slience). Nobody knew what to make of Steve Austin’s challenge.

SPOOFE keyed the comm. "He’ll turn up, people. Be ready to pick him off."

After a few seconds, a large, balding, ape-faced man (who happened to have yellow skin, four fat fingers, and only two dimensions) stood up from the audience. "I accept your challenge!" he shouted in an oafish voice. He hopped over the barricade and climbed into the ring.

"Who the hell are you?" Stone Cold asked.

"My name is Homer J.--* I mean, Max Power!" the fat man said, striking a dramatic, cartoony pose.

"Well, Max, prepare to get whupped," Stone Cold said. He punched Max in the face, and Max keeled backwards against the ropes, then bounced forward again, where he got punched in the face again. This continued for quite a while, until Max’s face was all lumpy and misshapen... and to top things off, the beating he was receiving gave him some bruises. Eventually, Stone Cold tired of relentless pounding on a helpless victim, so he kicked Max in the gut and put him into a stunner. Max’s already-limp body went even more limp (making him extra-limp), and Stone Cold tossed Max out of the ring. He picked up the mic.

"Any other takers?"

"I’ll go for it!" a Hindu man in a green jacket said...

"Anybody see anything suspicious?" SPOOFE asked.

A series of "Nopes" or other variants of a negative response came back to him.

After a while, there was a huge stack of unconscious forms piling up beside the ring. "Anyone else?" Stone Cold asked in a bored tone.

Before anyone could respond, the lights in the arena flashed off. "What the hell...?" Steve Austin cried in surprise. "This wasn’t in the damned script! I want my bee-ee-eer..." His voice trailed off. A few minutes later, the lights came back on, and the entire audience gasped (even the unconscious people).

"Wow!" one particular drunk exclaimed. "Look at the size of that crown."

"Why, thank you," Jerry Lawler said. "I am rather proud of it. But... the ring... the ring... the ring is on fire!"

"No it isn’t!" Michael Cole said.

"How the hell would you know?" Jerry Lawler said. "You can’t even see it!"

"I agree with you there," Michael Cole replied. "The ring is missing!"

"Well, that’s no big deal, we’ll just deploy the Backup Ring," Jerry Lawler said, and he pushed a large, red button. The floor where the ring used to be opened up, and a new ring rose into place. Aside from the words "Alternate" printed along the apron, it was just like the old ring.

"Well, it’s all well and good that we’ve got a ring again," Michael Cole said, "but I don’t think you’ve noticed that Steve Austin is gone!"

"Of course I’ve noticed, Michael Cole!" Jerry Lawler exclaimed. "The... uh... lights going out must’ve scared him away!"

"I don’t think you’ve grasped the gravity of this situation," Michael Cole said.

"Yeah, Rikishi ain’t out here."

"Listen carefully," Michael Cole said. "Stone Cold has been abducted!"

Suddenly, two young men appeared at Michael Cole’s side. "We’ll find him," the older one, a brown-haired young’un of 18, said. "We found the Tower Treasure, figured out what’s up with the House on The Cliff, figured out the Secret of the Old Mill... I’m sure we can find this Steve Austin."

"That’s right," the younger, blonde boy of 17 said. "We even found our Missing Chums and went Hunting for Hidden Gold."

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler both looked over the newcomers incredulously. "Who the hell are you?!?" they both asked at once.

"I’m Frank," the older one said...

"And I’m Joe," the younger one said...

"And we’re the Hardy Boys!" they both said together.

"Frank and Joe Hardy, huh?" Jerry Lawler said. "Well, meet Matt and Jeff Hardy!" He pushed a button on his control board, and two human forms came flying out from the backstage area and landed right beside Frank and Joe. They were, of course, Matt and Jeff.

Okay, I can already tell that this can easily get confusing, with four Hardy’s and all, so I’ll just say that the two wrestler Hardy’s grabbed the two detective Hardy’s, tossed them in the ring, and proceeded to kick some ass. It was a cool match, but it’d be so difficult to describe without incurring a headache in myself and readers.

So, anyway, SPOOFE and Spooge gathered the team together, and when the events of the evening were over, they all went down to investigate the area. The Backup Ring had since returned to its’ place below the floor.

"Okay, team, spread out and look for clues," Spooge said.

SPOOFE just stood there rubbing his chin, staring at the spot where the ring and Stone Cold used to be. After a few moments (during which, Vince came down to watch), he squealed.

"I got it!" he exclaimed. "I know who the assassin is!"

The whole team stopped what they were doing and stared at him, waiting for him to continue.

"It all makes sense," SPOOFE said. "The stupidity... the predictability... the vanishing act with the ring... the assassin is David Copperfield!"

The team stood blinking for a moment. "You’re an idiot," Katharine said at last.

SPOOFE pouted. "All right, Miss Know-it-all... who else could make the ring vanish without a trace?"

"The ring didn’t vanish without a trace," Katharine said. "Look up."

SPOOFE did so. In the ceiling of the arena, directly above the ring, was a gaping hole. "Okay, okay, so I may have been wrong." He pulled out his comlink and activated the shuttle’s autopilot. A few seconds later, the shuttle appeared and crashed through the hole (making it a bit bigger in the process), and the entire team climbed aboard.

"Corny, take the controls and bring us up," SPOOFE said.

"Are we gonna get to blow stuff up?" CornHusker asked, rubbing his hands in perverted anticipation.

"If you do your job well, we will," SPOOFE said with a grin.

Corny just giggled and ran into the cockpit. A few seconds later, the repulsorlift drives whined a little louder as the ship gained altitude. SPOOFE went to one of the control stations and logged into the Global Satellite Network set up by the Germans in World War II (but since hijacked by the CIA). He scanned the area for any other aircraft. None were found, so he accessed the tapes of the past five minutes. The tape showed a large, blimp-like object hovering above the ring. Suddenly, a gigantic mallet attached to a gloved robotic hand appeared and smashed the ceiling of the arena, then some huge clamps dropped through the newly created gap in the ceiling, and a few seconds later, the ring was pulled out and brought inside the flying object. Then a dozen jets of flame appeared from the rear of the blimp-ish thing, and it raced away.

"Holy Hammered Hickory Halibut Hendrix Hemp!" SPOOFE exclaimed.

"What is it?" Spooge asked.

SPOOFE tapped a few more keys, and tape rewound and zoomed in onto the unknown craft. Along the side was painted the words "Hindenburg II".

"It’s a zeppelin!" SPOOFE said.

Spooge gasped. "What’s a zeppelin?!?" he exclaimed.

"That," SPOOFE replied, pointing to the screen. "Stone Cold was abducted by a zeppelin!"

By now, the rest of the squad (‘cept Corny... he was in the cockpit, listening to Sonic Mayhem) had gathered around the control station to watch the tiny monitor. SPOOFE, noting that it’s rather stupid to have a mere 17" monitor observed by so many people, flipped a switch and the image was transferred to the 96" screen hanging above the conference room. The team grabbed some bags of popcorn and climbed into the theatre seats.

"Hey, look at that," Flip said.

"What?" Casey asked.

"It’s a blimp," Flip said.

"Correction," SPOOFE interjected. "It’s a zeppelin."

"A lead one?" Casey asked, and began giggling fiendishly. His giggle changed into a maniacal laugh, and soon he was on his feet, with his arms splayed out and his head thrown back, shouting "Bwahahahahahahaha!!" After a few moments he stopped, wiped his mouth on his sleeve, and sat back down.

"ANYway," SPOOFE said, continuing. "Somebody with a plain old zeppelin kidnaped Stone Cold and disappeared with it."

"How’d it get moving so fast?" Eric asked. "If my calculations are correct, that thing zipped away at several hundred kilometers per hour, much faster than a commercial air liner."

SPOOFE pressed a few buttons, and the view zoomed in on the rear of the craft, where a dozen large grey cylinders were attached to the outer hull. "See these? Jet Assisted Take-Off. Somehow, this guy managed to procure a zeppelin and a dozen JATO units."

"Jeepers," Kat said, then stopped. "Did I actually say ‘Jeepers’?"

"You did," SPOOFE said. "Wanna fuck, babe?"

"With you? Hell no. Anyway, I say we check for suspicious locations in the direction that the zeppelin was last seen traveling."

"Wouldn’t it be much easier to access each other orbiting satellite designated to scan along the zeppelin’s path and simply follow it from there?" Eric asked.

"No," SPOOFE said.

"No," Spooge said.

"No," Kia said.

"No," Katharine said.

"No," Casey said.

"What’d you say?" Flip asked.

Eric sighed. "My genius is wasted on you people."

"It is," SPOOFE said. "Now, Kat’s plan is perfect. Kat, as a reward, you get to give me head."

Kat smiled and blinked a couple of times. "I’d rather drink ten gallons of secret sauce."

"Your loss, babe," SPOOFE said. "Casey! Access a geographical map of this particular state that we’re in of which we have no need to name since we all know what state it is, and transfer it to the main monitor."

Casey did so, and a few moments later, a map of that particular state appeared on the monitor.

"Zoom in on our position," SPOOFE ordered. Casey did so.

Spooge hoisted Kat onto his shoulders and brought her closer to the monitor. "Now, here’s where we are," Kat said, pointing. "The zeppelin traveled this way," she continued, pointing in the direction the zeppelin traveled (which happened to be northeast-ish). "So let’s check along this route and see if there’s anything suspicious."

"Gotcha," Casey said. He pushed the "search for suspicious buildings" button, entered the area to search in, and pressed Enter. A few seconds later, the computer beeped, and several dozen bright, pretty lights appeared on the main screen.

"Let’s see what we’ve got..." Kat mumbled to herself. "The Miller Brewery?"

"How’s that suspicious?" SPOOFE asked.

"It’s in the middle of a toxic waste dump," Kat replied.

"And the toxic waste dump is in the middle of a strip mall," Eric added.

"And the strip mall is in the middle of a parking lot," Flip said.

SPOOFE raised his hands for silence. "Silence. Wow, it worked. Anyway, keep looking. How about that old, abandoned warehouse?"

"Nah, too tame," Casey said. "What about that Japanese dojo?"

"Too small," Flip said.

"Yeah, you’re right, the dojo is too small," Casey said, nodding.

"Huh?" Flip asked. "I wasn’t talking about no dojo."

Kia snapped her fingers and pointed. "Ooh! Spatula City!"

SPOOFE looked at her. "What’s so suspicious about that?"

"Nothing," Kia answered. "I just need to buy some more spatulas. You can never have enough spatulas."

"How many spatulas do you have?" SPOOFE asked.

"Three million and six," Kia answered.

"You have enough spatulas," SPOOFE said.

Kia pouted and gave SPOOFE the finger. SPOOFE continued looking.

"Maybe we should check out the Gilligan’s Island Memorabilia Store?" Eric suggested.

"I think it’s a good shot," Spooge said.

"Me too," SPOOFE said. "But it doesn’t have the right kind of ‘oomph’. See, it’s funny, but not the right kind of funny."

"What kind of funny are you looking for?" Spooge asked.

"Maybe this kind of funny," Kat said, pointing. "The Zeppelin and JATO Unit Museum."

SPOOFE glanced at the screen and grinned. "Kat, baby, I love you. Sleep with--*"

Kat interrupted. "Say it and I’ll castrate you."

Stone Cold awoke to find himself tied to a gigantic dildo in the middle of a gigantic broccoli field where little gnomes and Jehovah’s Witnesses were prancing around like gnomes and Jehovah’s Witnesses. He shook his head, and much to his expectation, the field and the broccoli and the gnomes and such were really just remnants from his sleep-addled brain (but the gigantic dildo was real).

"Where the hell am I?" Steve Austin demanded.

"You’re in my clutches," an unstable voice answered back. "More specifically, you’re in my lair."

"Who the hell are you?"

A short, frail, pale man stepped forward. His eye was twitching and he had a crooked smile on his face. "I’m Gordy Hooseblister," he said, projecting a small shower of saliva across the room. "You, Mr. Austin, have made my life miserable!"

"I don’t know what you’re talking about, you pencil-necked retard," Stone Cold said. "Untie me right now and I’ll only beat your ass. Otherwise, I’ll beat you to death."

"You don’t scare me, Mr. Austin!" Gordy screamed. "That rope is made of omni-carbon tri-wrapped steel-titanium polymers, and it’s tied in the world’s worst Granny knot."

"Speak English," Stone Cold grumbled.

"It’s a strong rope," Gordy said. "Anyway, enough of that! It’s time for you to die die die!"

Gordy pulled out a roll of duct tape and slapped a strip across Steve Austin’s mouth. He then grabbed a big hook, attached it to the back of the chair, and a crane hoisted Stone Cold into the air. The crane carried the chair over a large crate.

"What the hell’re you doing?" Stone Cold demanded to know.

"I’ve devised the ultimate form of torture!" Gordy said with a giggle. "Behold... the Acme Torture-O-Matic!"

He pulled out a small remote controller and pressed a button. The crate burst open to reveal the Acme Victoria’s Secret Lingerie Maker.

"Oops, wrong button," Gordy said. He pressed another button, and the crane moved over a second crate. "This is the Acme Torture-O-Matic!" The second crate burst open to reveal the right device. "I just have to stick you into this thing, and it’ll do all the torturing for me! And the best part... I get to kill you afterwards!"

"Why the hell do you want to kill me?" Stone Cold said fearlessly.

"Because you ruined my hero," Gordy said. He flicked a switch on the wall, and the lights came on. On every wall, most of the ceiling, and some of the floor, were posters, pictures, articles, cutouts, and caricatures of Hunter Hearst Helmsley. "I’m the President of the Triple H Fan Club!" Gordy exclaimed. "Because of you, our entire club charter has fallen to pieces! It’s time for revenge!"

"Aw, damn," Stone Cold said with a sigh. "I guess I’m gonna have to really kick your ass."

"Not likely," Gordy said with a sick giggle of glee. The chair (with Stone Cold in it, of course) began lowering into the Acme Torture-O-Matic. It went reeeeeeally slow to heighten the tensity of the situation. Gordy, of course, was laughing the whole time.

Just as Stone Cold was about to be inserted (huh, huh... "insert") into the Acme Torture-O-Matic, a volley of missiles smashed through the skylight of the museum and smashed into the massive structure of the torture machine.

"No-o-o-o-o-o!" Gordy exclaimed. "My Acme Torture-O-Matic! You destroyed my Acme Torture-O-Matic! Do you know how hard it is to find a good Acme Torture-O-Matic? By the way, who the heck am I ranting to about my Acme Torture-O-Matic?"

The side of the building blasted inward, and the Imperium’s shuttle came into view, the landing ramp lowered, and the entire squad standing there striking dramatic poses.

"Casey, it’s your turn," SPOOFE said.

"It’s time for you to stop being such a weenie!" Casey yelled.

SPOOFE blinked a couple times. "Man, no wonder I never let you make the witty retort. Anybody else have a good one?"

"How’s this..." Spooge said. "I bet your underwear smells bad!" he yelled.

"Nah, nah," Flip said, "you’ve gotta say, You still have some of that yellow sleep gunk stuck to your eye lashes!"

"No no no," CornHusker said. "I wanna drink some Josta!"

"All of you suck," Eric said. "How’s this... Your unkempt appearance combined with your poor language and articulation skills demonstrate that you fail to create a significant contribution to society at large!"

"Jeez, you guys, show some imagination," Katharine said. "I’m shorter than you!"

"Oh, man," SPOOFE said, "who’s gonna be insulted at any of that?"

Gordy screamed and pressed his palms against his forehead. "Why are you all insulting me?!?!?"  Gordy turned and ran into a back room.

"Where’d he go?" Spooge asked.

"Who cares?" Stone Cold yelled. "Get me outta here!"

"Hold your horses!" Spooge yelled back.

"Now I’m gonna have to kick your ass, too!" Stone Cold retorted.

Spooge was about to continue the argument, but there was a loud explosion. Through one of the skylights, a zeppelin was seen zooming away.

"After him!" SPOOFE yelled. The squad barreled back into the shuttle, and a few seconds later, it was taking off after the Hindenburg II.

"We have to get aboard it," Spoofe told the team. "Corny! Pull us right alongside it! Eric! Give me your grappling hook! Spooge! Come with me! The rest of you! Prepare our victory party!"

Each person hurried to their selective tasks. SPOOFE grabbed the grappling hook from Eric, and he and Spooge ran to the portside airlock. Within moments, they were outside the ship, staring at the zeppelin speeding over the landscape.

"We’re gonna have to jump!" SPOOFE yelled.

"What about parachutes?" Spooge yelled back.

"What are we, wusses?!?" SPOOFE shouted with a grin.

"Just checking," Spooge said. "Let’s go!"

SPOOFE nodded. "Corny?" he said into the comm. "Are we close enough yet?"

"Nope," Corny answered back.

"Too bad!" SPOOFE yelled, and he and Spooge jumped. They hurled through the air towards the zeppelin. After a few seconds, SPOOFE held out the grappling hook and fired. The hook latch onto one of the tail fins, and SPOOFE hit the "retract" button. Unfortunately, the combined weight of both he and Spooge was too much, and the retraction engine wouldn’t work.

"Hold on!" SPOOFE said. "We have to loop around the zeppelin!"

"What?" Spooge yelled.

"I said we have to loop around the zeppelin!"

"Sure, you can wear my garter belt!"

Before SPOOFE can yell "What?", they swung underneath the zeppelin, and their momentum brought them up, and around, and around, and around, and around, until they were both dizzy and ready to puke. Fortunately, however, the line got wrapped around the zeppelin as they went, and eventually, they came to a crashing halt against the side of the large craft.

"Okay!" SPOOFE yelled. "We have to find an entrance and blow this thing up!"

"How’re we gonna do that?" Spooge yelled back.

"It’s a zeppelin, stupid! It’s filled with the most flammable substance known to man!"

"An angry mob?"

SPOOFE shrugged off the comment and crawled along the outer hull to an access hatch. He pulled it open, pushed Spooge in, and jumped inside himeself. The hatch slammed shut behind him.

"Where do you think we should go?" SPOOFE asked.

"That way," Spooge answered.

"What way?" SPOOFE asked.

"That way!" Spooge answered again.

"When you say ‘That way’, you’re supposed to point!" SPOOFE yelled.

"It’s not polite to point," Spooge retorted. "Anyway, follow me."

Spooge led the way through the inner hull of the zeppelin for several minutes before he came to a large doorway marked "Hydrogen Tanks".

"This is it," Spooge said. He pushed the doorway open. They found themselves in a large room pressed up against the outer hull. Massive tanks, presumably full of hydrogen, took up the majority of the space, so that there wasn’t much room to move.

SPOOFE knocked against one of the tanks. "All right, we have to figure out how to blow these up." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a flame thrower.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Spooge said. "In case you haven’t realized it, if this place explodes, we’ll be inside it."

"Your point being?" SPOOFE asked.

"If it goes boom, we go boom!"

"So?"

Spooge sighed. "Why not? I’ve always wanted to have my body shattered to little tiny chunks of charbroiled flesh and scattered about the landscape."

With that, SPOOFE lit the flame thrower and began... well... throwing.... flames. The Josta-enriched napalm sprayed over the surface of the hydrogen tanks. When there was a good fire going, SPOOFE turned off the flame thrower and pulled out his marshmallows.

"Get ready for a blast, Spoogie!" SPOOFE yelled maniacally.

"Oh, I am," Spooge said. "I am."

The tanks holding the hydrogen eventually heated up to the point that the contents detonated. The resulting explosion lit up the night sky for miles around. The wreckage fell slowly to the ground, spreading out and breaking off bits of debris. When it hit the ground, the huge flames flared up even larger as the charred chunks of zeppelin burned.

SPOOFE pushed a huge chunk of burning wreckage off of him, then reached through a charred and broken sheet of zeppelin hull and pulled Spooge out.

"See? We’re not dead!" SPOOFE said.

"No, and neither is he," Spooge replied, and pointed.

A hundred meters away, Gordy was climbing out of the wreckage of the Hindenburg II. He seemed to be slightly upset.

"You... you... you YOU!!!!" Gordy screamed. "You wrecked my zeppelin! You ruined my plans! You forgot to change your underwear!"

"Hey!" Spooge said. "I changed my underwear last Thursday!"

"I’m gonna have to finish you all off once and for all and for good and for final and for all!" Gordy warbled.

"You said ‘for all’ twice," SPOOFE said.

"Arrgh!!" Gordy wailed. He leapt over a chunk of debris and disappeared.

SPOOFE looked at Spooge. "Now where do you think he’s going?" SPOOFE asked.

Spooge shrugged. "Maybe he’s got the runs."

Before SPOOFE could answer, they were interrupted by the shifting of the debris pile. A big metal arm rose from the burning, twisted zeppelin remains, followed by the rest of the robot it was attached to.

"Like my toy?" Gordy’s voice said through an external loudspeaker on the fifty-foot tall behemoth. "Say hello to my Robo-H!"

"Robo-H?" SPOOFE asked.

"Yeah, yeah," Gordy answered. "See, it’s a giant robot that looks just like my hero and idol, Triple H."

"Yeah, I noticed that," SPOOFE said. "But why’d you have to call it ‘Robo-H?’"

"Yeah, that sounds pretty horrible," Spooge added.

"Well, I dunno... maybe I should call it ‘Helmsley-Bot?’"

SPOOFE shrugged. "That sounds a little better... but maybe something like ‘Meta-Hunter’... or you can get really wild and call it ‘Triple H Mark II.’"

"Yeah, you’re right," Gordy said thoughtfully. "Or ‘Anti-Austin’... or ‘Gordy Jr.!’"

"See, there ya go!" Spooge said. "Maybe you can even call it Bob!"

"Or Samantha!" SPOOFE suggested.

"Or Snagglepuss!" Gordy said happily.

"Or scrap metal!" Spooge said. He unbuttoned his shirt and let his chest swell outwards. A few seconds later, the Spooge Demon appeared. "Spooge Demon! Smash that robot!"

The Spooge Demon grinned a demonic grin and leapt at his new target.

"No-o-o-o-o!" Gordy said. "I’m not finished naming my robot!"

The Demon kicked the robot in the mid-section, causing the behemoth to topple over backwards. The robotic wrestler rolled back to his feet, then stomped on the Spooge Demon. The Spooge Demon was quite unfazed, however, and tossed the gigantic foot off of himself. He then leapt up onto the robot’s chest and began pounding. The chest plates began to buckle inward.

"Stop that!" Gordy said. He had the robot climb up on one of the larger pieces of zeppelin rubbish and jumped up in the air, coming down chest-first on top of the Spooge Demon. The Demon only giggled and crawled out from underneath. With another demonic grin, the Spooge Demon pulled the giant robot to its’ feet, then leapt up, grabbed its’ throat, and in a violation of the natural laws of physics, motion, and gravity, the Spooge Demon hoisted the robot into the air and choke-slammed it on top of a sharp chunk of debris.

"No-o-o-o-o-o!" Gordy screamed. The robot overloaded, and it went exploded with a sort of Bang!, but it could have possibly been mistaken for a Kapow! or Kaboom! Anyway, it was an explosion, an explosion which launched Gordy high into the stratosphere.

"I’ll get you for this, Midler... I mean... whoever the hell you are!" Gordy screamed as he hurled ever higher.

SPOOFE looked over at Spooge. "Should we just put him out of our misery here and now?"

Spooge grinned. "Am I a sexy bitch?"

With that, SPOOFE reached into his pants and pulled out his (no, not that!) trusty Gadzooka. He pointed it up at the sky, aimed, and fired. The blast flew through the sky and intercepted Gordy’s one-way flight. Gordy’s flaming little body streamed down across the sky.

SPOOFE and Spooge put on their sunglasses. "Ah, what a pretty sight," SPOOFE said.

"Yeah, charred human falling through the sky," Spooge said.

"Popcorn?" SPOOFE asked, holding up a bucket of said snack food.

"Please," Spooge said, taking a few bites.  After a few minutes, Spooge got bored.  "This is boring," he said. "Let’s call the shuttle and get back to headquarters."

"Yeah, I agree," SPOOFE said. He pulled out his comlink. "Hey, you guys, you there?"

"Yeah, we’re here," Katharine answered.

"Come pick us up," SPOOFE said.  "We beat the bad guy, torched a couple dozen square miles of land, and created a huge smoldering crater."

"Gotcha," Kat said.

"Oh, Kat, one more thing," SPOOFE said.

"What’s that?" Kat asked.

"Sleep with me?"

THE END