The College Diary of Emer Nibbly
|Day 1: Yay! My first day of college!
My mommy and my daddy helped me unload all my toys and my nightlight. Oh,
yeah, my clothes, too. My roommate is real nice. He let me have the room all
for myself. He screamed and ran out of the room after only a few minutes. He's
so nice. He obviously knew that I should get the room for myself. I'm a big
boy now. I also met all of the teachers that I'm going to have. I think
there's a secret code among the teachers. After they were finished talking to me
they all heaved a big sigh of relief. It was funny. Oh well, it's 7:30.
Time for me to go to bed. Nighty-night!
Day 2: I went to all my classes. They are so easy! The teacher in my nuclear physics class gave me a bouncy ball and told me to sit outside and bounce it. It was so fun! I was almost late to my neural surgery class because I was so engrossed in bouncing my bouncy ball. And in my chemistry class I mixed an acid and a base and now my skin is all green. In my advanced governmental workings class the teacher let me sit with my face to the wall. I was a little bored after about an hour; if the wall were blue or red instead of white it might be more fun. So I picked up the telephone and started pressing the pretty little buttons. They made funny sounds! But after about a half hour a big group of people with the letters "CIA" on their jackets busted in and dragged our teacher away. I waved bye-bye to him. I'm looking forward to another fun day tomorrow.
Day 3: Today I saw a car drive by really quick-like and a bunch of loud pops came from it. A guy in front of me lied down on the sidewalk really quickly and went to sleep. He also had a whole bunch of ketchup all over his clothes. Those red stains won't come out very easily. And for some reason everyone decided to use the opportunity to start a party, because everyone began running and screaming. And then a few minutes later the police showed up, and they put the guy into a big white truck with funny designs in the front. It looked like it said "ECNALUBMA" but the letters will all backwards. I have to remember not to fall asleep with ketchip all over me in this school. I think it's a no-no.
Hi, I'm Emer, and I'm retarded.
Day 4: Sorry about that up there. Some of the other guys got their hands on my diary and decided to write stuff in it. I guess the guy that wrote that was named Emer, too. Weird, huh? I've never known someone else named Emer. I hope that we can be good friends. Whenever I walk past them they laugh and yell funny words. And some bad words, too. My mommy told me to never say those words. She said she'd beat me again if I ever said those words. But I think I'll try to make friends with them anyway, because I saw them with girls. Girls are pretty. I like girls. I promised myself that by the end of college I'm going to touch one of them on the boobie. Hehe, I said boobie! Hehehehehehe!
Day 5: I was walking through the parking lot today and I saw a car with a lot of smoke coming out of it. I walked close to see if there was a fire and try to help the people out if there was. They rolled down the window. I think they were embarrassed at a bad test grade or something because they were burning little rolled up pieces of paper and sticking them in their mouths. It smelled really nasty. I think they were burning that recycled paper. I'm still feeling a little woozy, so I'm going to go lie down for a while.
Day 6: It's Saturday! I woke up at 5:00 AM this morning and began watching the cartoons. They were funny! Here's a funny joke I heard: "Two peanuts were walking down the street... one was assaulted." Hahaha! It's funny, huh? I don't really get it, but it sounded so funny that I just had to laugh. I went around the entire school telling that joke to everyone I saw. None of them laughed, though. Maybe I'm just smarter than them or something. They just didn't see the humor in it.
Day 7: Today I did it! I touched a boobie! Hehe, I said boobie again! It was neat-o! This really big guy was walking with this very pretty girl, and I walked up and poked it! I'm a man now! She must've liked it, because she screeched and ran away, obviously to tell everyone what just happened, just like in my favorite Disney movie. But the big guy must've been a hall monitor, because he wouldn't let me run after her. No running in the halls, I guess. Anyway, he was really nice. He asked if I wanted a "Nukkle Sandwich". I said I'd never had one and he said to be in the parking lot at 7:00 PM. I have to go now if I want to get my Nukkle Sandwich. I wonder what a Nukkle is. Oh well, I'll find out soon, won't I?
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